a regret

I was working in a school and enjoyed my work much, its a Christian school and I have been working for 5 years. Didn't think about resigning,but after joice was born, everything was changed ( thank God I had a good principal and friend, she understood totally when I finally should resign). Joice needed me so much than what I could imagine :) at that time, she was only 3 months old, but she understood and anxious to be separated from me. I shoul wake up at 5, to feed her last time then went to work, works started at 7 a.m then it finished at 4 p.m so I reached home about 5 p.m, wah a tiring trip too,because its far from home. For the first week, joice cried everytime she was fed with expressed breastmilk that put in bottle. I thanked God too for oversupply so actually the milk was more than enough for joice. But she kept crying until she got tired and slept. Sometimes with hungry tummy. My mom had said yes to take care joice, so I was lucky to have my mom around. But joice refused all things. She just wanted me to be with her, to feed her and just there for her...she was only 3 months and I couldn't let her just cried with empty stomach. So after discussion with my husband, I decided to stop working. It was a big struggle because I was in the middle of academic year. Nobody could replace my work. I was guilty too. But joice needed me more than anything. She didn't want to drink any milk, so mommy gave up and did the best for my little one.

For the first month at home was so stressful. I have enjoyed to go out and work everyday, but now I should just stayed at home and do cooking, feeding baby all the time. I didn't enjoy it, really! I didn't know why, but I took it just for a burden. I didn't feel like this was what I wanted. It took me another month to really appreciate and give thanks for what I actually have...joice grew up ...cepet bgt sampai2 kita ga bisa bayangin. So singkat cerita, dia harus mulai makan makanan padat. I was there for the first bite. Yang mandiin,yang ajak dia main,kasi stimulation setiap hari baik secara motoric, verbal, etc. Buatkan makanan, belanja kebutuhan makanan. Everything. I am with her 24/7 everyday... :)

Kalau dikilas balik,
I would regret if I chose to keep on working..fulll time...
I would regret if I hired somebody to take care of her...
I would regret because I couldn't turn back time..

Karena di setiap tahap perkembangannya, I was there..
Gigi pertama
Senyum pertama
Ketawa pertama
Duduk pertama
Rangkak pertama
Jalan pertama
Ohhh and more many things..

I have seen some babies yang banyak waktunya diasuh oleh babysitter, tadinya I don't realize apa sih bedanya, toh babysitter cukup handy nanganin anak, dan lebih berpengalaman. Now I know the difference. Babysitter cuma kasih safety dan perlindungan, ganti popok basah,kasi makan,mandiin. Mereka ga punya affection. Mereka takut baby itu kenapa2 bukan karena pure sayang, tapi karena takut diomelin majikan! Lebih parah lagi, baby yang kebanyakan diasuh bs, biasanya kurang stimulasi. Sehingga perkembangan lebih lambat, karena bs lbh banyak spend time waktu dengan dia daripada mamanya. Mama hanya sebentar dan itu pun tidak maksimal karena letih bekerja. So I got the point after I experienced it by myself.

Another point is if we have a stable financial,its a blessing so we can stay at home. I can understand some people yang harus tetap bekerja. Kehidupan mereka tidak mudah. Mereka harus bekerja untuk kebutuhan sehari-hari, biasanya nenek menjadi andalan untuk mengurus anak. I totally understand dan suasanan rumah tangga setiap orang berbeda. They dream that one day they don't need to work, they really wish to spend more time with their kids. But they just can't. Kebutuhan semakin banyak, dan biaya tidak murah. They have no choice for that. Tapi lain lagi untuk kalangan mommies yang sebenarnya financially sangat berkecukupan, but they chose to work and sacrifice their kids. Dengan alasan bahwa bosan,dan perlu bekerja untuk mengusir rasa bosan, tapi mereka ga pikir lagi gimana dari pihak anak-anak? Kids don't need anyone, they just need their mother. That's all. Anak dari baby menjadi kurang stimulasi, mama bekerja, tahap perkembangan dan sosialisasi anak akan tumbuh secara berbeda pula. Some people told me alasannya: toh, gedenya nanti sama juga kok...buat apa kita cape-cape. Nah kalau gitu, I just answered, ngapain punya anak,kalau ga mau cape..? Doeeennnggg...

an article or story yang kemarin baru beredar di kalangan bb user,tolong mandikan aku,bunda. It was a very touching story... Wish I still have the link to be posted here. Mau cerita itu adalah nyata atai tidak. Cerita itu sudah mewakili semuanya. Ibu itu memang akhirnya berkesempatan memandikan anaknya,tapi saat anaknya sudah tidak bernyawa..hiks hiks...very sad...saat keadaan baik-baik saja, orang tua akan merasionalisasikan semua alasan agar mereka tetap bisa bekerja, padahal tanpa bekerja, financially mereka sudah cukup.di saat baik- baik, orang tua akan bilang : tuh kan anak gua baik2 aja dijaga suster. Gede dan sehatnya sama kaya anak elu. Pinter lagi, udah sekolah. Hayo, mau ngomong apaaa... But if...saat kita kerja, lalu something happen with this child, entah tiba2 panas tinggi,jatuh,kecelakaan di dalam rumah, or name it an accident, anak perlu ditangani dengan sangat cepat. A baby or child cuma punya waktu beberapa second untuk survival. Ingat,mereka bukan orang dewasa. Kalau sampai terjadi sesuatu ... I don't think uang yang kita punya sekalipun bisa mengganti semuanya. Bahkan jiwa kita pun ga bisa ditukar..karena sudah terjadi semuanya. A smart friend of mine juga pernah bilang, its so smart to put a camera in your home, tapi kapan kita putar kamera itu? Setelah kejadian itu terjadi...so its too late guys, sudah terjadi and even you find it out now, there's nothing you can do to change what had happened... ( Iya kan... Hm..)

Sekedar tambahan cerita, a story juga beredar, tentang sopir dan pembantu yang melegalkan sopir memperkosa anak majikan. Hiiii serammmm motifnya macam2, bisa balas dendam or khilaf or apapun. Anyway, I don't think a mom yg bisa hire sopir dan mbak or nanny ga punya sama sekali waktu untuk antar jemput. She must have lots of money to hire them but she chose to let them take care of her kids...setelah kejadian seperti itu, akan seperti apakah ni mama...? I can't imagine anak itu tumbuh dgn trauma dan kesedihan tak berujung huhuhuhu...

So mommies out there, choose your best decision, struggle dan serahkan ke Tuhan dalam doa. Supaya Tuhan tunjukkan jalan terbaik..I believe everyone isn't perfect dan kita juga ga bisa very protective sama anak (mau jadi apa kalau dikungkung terus) but I believe ada prinsip2 tertentu yang kita pegang sebagai orang tua. Ada batas di mana kita harus kerja, ada batas di mana kita harus stay di rumah, dan ada batas juga kita punya 'me' time..hehehehe I just shared my experiences and struggle and thought...go mommies go...do the best and jangan lupakan prinsip-prinsip alkitab yah... :)